Becoming Mommy…Sit. Stay. Good Mommy.

Like most mommy’s, I wear my title proudly. I try to remind myself to enjoy every precious fleeting moment, because becoming “Mommy” wasn’t easy.

We tried for 3 years to conceive and finally after 36 months of tears, we decided it was time to get some professional guidance. I was quickly approaching that certain age where woman are classified high risk and I just didn’t want to waste any more time! Lucky for us, one of Kerem’s basketball buddies, Dr. Aykut Bayrak, just happened to be a leading fertility specialist, so off we went!

I’ll save you all the gory details, but after months of tests & exploratory surgery we finally got a diagnosis:  A unicornuate uterus. I was born with only half of a uterus. HUH?! My first response was to completely melt down into a blubbering idiot, then I wiped the snot from my nose and ask the doctor, “When do we get started?”

For us, getting pregnant was, popping pills, needling myself in the stomach and ‘making love’ to a turkey baster on a cold pleather medical table with a virtual stranger between my legs. Not really my idea of romantic, but it worked! On the first try!! Then came BEDREST. Well, technically it was called limited mobility restriction, so not full on bedrest, but I wasn’t allowed to be on my feet for longer than 30 minutes at a time. No exercise at all. Worst of all, no hiking! Boo!

I had always had this vision of my pregnant self, as I’m sure most people do, hiking up until my water broke! Yeah, well, I was going to have to get over that pretty quickly. I decided to look at this as my baby’s gift to me. Me time. 9 months of it. I started reading, meditating, cooking and just focused on keeping that little peanut safe inside. I did.
pregnancy photo by kerem hanci
Photo by Kerem Hanci
On March 3, 2011 at 4:28 a.m. my grandmother died. She was my heart. At 10:10 a.m. Vivienne Emine Hanci was ushered into the world under the watchful eye of her new guardian angel. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it any other way. 
family photo
Hanci-Fontaine Family Photo
Even before her first breath, much to the dismay of my mother, we had already planned Vivienne’s first camping trip! Four months later, our new family unit was nestled together in a lush, green glen in BigSur listening to the lullabies of a babbling brook. We had found bliss.
family hiking in big sur
Hiking in Big Sur
Stay tuned! Next week’s blog will be all about Big Sur, one of our most favorite places on the planet!
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8 thoughts on “Becoming Mommy…Sit. Stay. Good Mommy.

  1. Wow.. what a story and the pics are beautiful. You went through a lot but it must have been worth it, look at your life now. I'm 43 and decided not to have kids. It bothered me for a long time but then I realized I just didn't want the commitment and at my age…I didn't want to be in my 60s putting a kid through school. I love kids but there comes a time in life when we have to make that choice. It's weird sometimes reading other people's stories about kids because it is that defining thing that separates us. A lot of people with kids don't understand my desire not to have them but they misunderstand why. For some weird reason, I decided that the commitment to a lifetime of taking care of a child was more than I had to give since I was still working on making me the best “me” I could be. It is painful still at times to know all my friends have kids and I don't but…too late to change my mind.

    That said, when I read this I was in awe of your experience and somewhat disconnected at the same time. I think it's because I will never totally relate to the experience of having a child and sometimes I feel it puts up this invisible barrier between me and my child-bearing friends. I look at them like “you know what my life is like” and they look at me (or so I think) like “you have no idea what my life is like and you never will. It's not a bad thing its' just my mind playing tricks.

    I am so amazed that with half a uterus you were able to carry to term that is just absolutely amazing. I can't wait to read more about your experiences Jen!

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  2. I totally get where you're coming from Jess! I'm 38 and kicking around the idea of having a second baby. The things that keep coming up in my mind are, can we be so lucky the second time around and do I want to be a 40 year old new mommy?

    My sister-in-law knows she doesn't want to have kids and I know she feels judged sometimes by her 'breeding' girlfriends. It can be a difficult thing to surmount, but if they are truly your friends, you would think they would understand who you choose to be, with or without offspring!

    Like

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